*** A Healing Journey ***
I found myself in an awful experience this week. I am a private person, I love working with animals and supporting people to heal, but being the fox animal that I am, I don’t let people into my den. Very very few people. In fact, only two of my friends come over. This week someone violated my space, my safe place, my home. I didn’t deal with it very well and was left feeling incredibly violated. Even my pets were responding to the person in my home ~ they were upset, and it took a long time to calm them (possibly as I was distressed).
I had many animals come and visit energetically this week. Small little reminders that I am not alone, and while I feel I am still in the drama of it I am not going into my victim state. I talk a lot about that, because the animals do and they want to support us and empower us, therefore we need to make the choice. I made mine this week. I was angry and hurt by the actions, mostly though I am upset that in speaking my truth, I hurt the person who instigated the violation. They invited someone into my house who they promised not to. A tormentor of my past. I spoke my truth to this person, and told them how they had broken my trust. I advocate standing in your truth, speaking your truth and maintaining your boundaries, so it is important for me to tell you ~ I have to do it too.
Today I had the opportunity to speak to a beautiful white wolf. She was here for a message for a beautiful person, and decided to give me some free advice which I wanted to share. She said that blood family are in our life to challenge us and push us to reach our full potential. She said that they are generally not here to be loving, supportive, all warm and gooey. She said that that is often part of what they do, but their greatest gift is to press our buttons and cause issues so that we can learn our lessons in life. she said that our chosen family and friends are the ones who offer the greatest support. While we may resent our blood family for abuse, if we didn’t experience it, would we learn the lessons and achieve our greatness? In my case, no, no other way would have worked. I feel the hurt that I have experienced, yet I see the opportunity and learnings due to what I experienced. I am grateful for the conversation with the wolf.
Today in my dance lesson, I told him what happened so we worked on boundaries and feeling comfortable. I found myself doing something I haven’t done in such a long time. I froze. He gave me a moment, not letting go and I breathed through my fear. That sense of innocence, violation and torment surfaced and for a moment, I was that small child wanting to hide. I saw that small child within me, and I confidently stepped forward and took over. I danced better than I ever have and that child within me felt safe. She was replying what the wolf had said and she realised that I am the one who can offer her support, nurturance and love. It comes from within, not from others. Something I desperately wanted from my family was love ~ and I would do anything for the hope of getting it, when the answer was there the whole time. I was the strength, the compassion, the love. I wanted to be seen and heard, I wanted someone to see my pain and nurture me ~ and I am the best person for the job, as I know what I want.
I ask you next time you are in a situation where you are frightened, alone, sad to ask yourself what you need ~ and then give it to yourself. As I sit here writing this, I feel the animals in my room ~ I feel their pride. They offer wisdom, support and love ~ yet if I don’t allow it from myself, then how can I accept it from them? Candy Alexander